MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

broken-png-5This is a true story about taking initiative. Some time ago, I met this very, very, very attractive girl. Maybe you are not grasping the extent of the beauty I saw. Let me employ some poetry to describe her.  Her smile run perfectly across her face with a set of dimples. Her demeanor was gracefully stunning yet simple. And her face was a Beyonce track, Flawless, with no pimples. She checked off everything on my wishlist instantly and rendered me a cripple. Because I was weak in my knees like 7 days and she stirred my heart’s waters leaving behind a large ripple.


But then I thought to myself, she is too perfect to want me. I wasn’t the best definition of the kind of guy a girl would be mesmerized by. In short, I discouraged myself with all the possible excuses and did nothing to take initiative as time sprinted with the speed of Usain in a Bolt and we departed our separate ways.

Now, there could be many reasons why just like me you would lack the initiative and ambition to pursue certain “goals”.  Maybe you stick to the old-fashioned route; maybe you are scared of rejection; maybe you simply do not know how to make the approach. Welcome to a man’s world. As a man, I can tell you that we do not mind a woman approaching us for a change. So they can feel what we feel. We, too, hate rejection and embarrassment, and some of us have no clue how to approach women. But stereotypically as men, we are supposed to get used to the burden of making the first move. It is never fully comfortable for us. We have no choice but to get better at it over time or hug our pillows.


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Men are usually handed the social responsibility of initiating everything, while women usually get the social responsibility of appearing cute and open enough to convince a man to say something. But unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, I choose to blame a generation weaned on telenovelas. It’s still typically assumed that the guy is going to make the first move. Which is awful news for pretty much, everyone! Guys are forced to put themselves out there and risk rejection, while women might hold back because they don’t want to be seen as aggressive or masculine.


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But guess what? Usually in life, we all have to suck it up and be guys. Now before the feminists and “feminist-wanna-be(s)” out there start vilifying me, let me demystify my statement. What I mean is that both guys and girls must take up the traditional male role of making the first move.  Most of the very rewarding opportunities which will ever come your way will be in the form of a very pretty  and intimidating woman/ man. You have no other alternative than to man up and put yourself out there in spite of the risk of rejection.


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I googled “best dating advice,” not much came up to help me. The fourth hit was probably my favorite, a one-line blog post that says very simply, “Oh, for Chrissakes—just pick up the phone and make that call” If you are shy, just go for it, and I promise it won’t be as bad as you’re imagining. Even if the guy/girl is not attracted to you, chances are he will be respectful back. Worst case scenario they will give you a curve ball and this does not stain your shirt or imprint on your forehead.

Just  as women expect that you know when to make your move so does a rewarding opportunity. You need to move in full throttle and seize them. Further, you are expected to be sophisticated and smooth about it. Clumsy, boyish behavior doesn’t fit with the image of her being “swept off her feet”, and you don’t really want this critical step to end in laughter. Just like women, you need to be tactful with opportunities. Have a good strategy and go in with a plan. And not just any plan, a foolproof plan!


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There is so much regret in not taking the initiative to take hold of a beautiful opportunity. Some months after, I met this girl with a guy who I felt stood no chance with me as competiton. I couldn’t help but ask myself these questions. What if she was also afraid to? What if I had made the first move? And then one day we lived happily ever after in a chateau in Paris with three cute Maltese puppies and a parrot that spoke French? Could I be missing out on all of this, simply because I was afraid to say, “Hey, I think you’re cute”? Perhaps if I had just gotten up the five seconds of courage, then maybe, just maybe she would have said yes. And if not, if I could get past those five seconds of courage, then I could get past rejection and gain some confidence.


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In the words of Mary Kay Ash, there are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. Sadly I wondered what happened, but no more! So, I’m here to say something that needs to be heard: People, GROW SOME BALLS (figuratively speaking, of course) and take an initiative today.  You’ll find that you have plenty of resources to take on any opportunity that comes your way.


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