There are thousand and one reasons why I should be in a relationship but I always find a thousand and two other reasons why I shouldn’t be. I mean being single is liberating, no two ways about that. I don’t have to think of one particular “who” to text back in the morning, profess my love to intermittently, make a suitable budget for two every weekend, report to on an hourly of my whereabouts and explain my low battery situation to every time her text remains unanswered for more 30minutes. So once again being single is burden less.

However, as much as I love the word “single” I don’t confer on myself that status. Instead, I’d prefer to be thought of as “Independently owned and operated.”Think of the status as a business. Although you bear all the risks alone, being independent of “private investors” helps you focus on important issues while circumspection the bottlenecks and bureaucratic blockades that may exist. In plain language, it reduces the headache of bickering because you don’t owe accountability to anyone; you’re your free self.


Personally, I’m convinced most people in long-term relationships are secretly miserable not because I want to believe they are to justify my status. Sure, it’s nice to have a partner to cuddle with, but relationships can also be terribly inconvenient.

Ok so maybe I’m not single I’m just in love with freedom. But since freedom isn’t Jollof it is much harder to be completely satisfied with it. Being single can be tough, especially for someone who really wants to be in a relationship. Whenever I had just turned single, I could be so envious of those in committed relationships and thought that if only I had someone, all my problems would go away. The cycle just continued; I’d find someone issues come up but I still hold on for as long as possible till I can no longer. The problems don’t get solved.The ironic part is that even if those relationships were full of drama and problems, I still thought I’d be happier. I just wanted someone to love me. I wanted it right now.

I used to rationalize the reasons why I was single and would often convince myself that it was because of some defect in who I was hence the need to upgrade myself. I’m pretty sure that I have upgraded more times than Windows has and trust me they have upgraded a lot. I have redeveloped almost everything from the way I talk to the way walk, to the way even sleep. My choice of fashion, tastes in music, haircut styles and even articulation haven’t been spared. These upgrades weren’t bad, just that I did them for the wrong reasons.


I often thought if I could dress a certain way and talk in certain ways I could attract a certain type of people in my life. I wanted to suit the palates of a wide range of taste buds forgetting a good old bottle of Bordeaux will not sit well on many tongues. The desire to be wanted and not turned down was overwhelming so anytime I got turned down by anyone I came back to work harder on myself.

Don’t get me wrong I love who I have become. I have been able to achieve twice as more in these single days than I ever have being attached. The focus has been overwhelming and it’s clearly evident in a lot of things I have accomplished. This is because I understood one thing; that, I was single not because I couldn’t find someone who rocked my boat but instead because I needed to find myself . The fact is if I had allowed everyone who rocked my boat to actually rock my boat, my boat would have capsized by now.

So to all the single ladies and gents out there, use this much treasured and coveted moment of singleness to get well acquainted with the most awesome person you will ever meet in your life; yourself! Stay in touch with your friends and make meaningful connections. Learn the art of self-reliance so you can avoid settling for a bad match. But most importantly use this moment to get closer to God so you can fully establish your roots in Him.

Work in progress
Being single the sometimes the best workshop to work on yourself.

Being single gives you the right state of mind for maturity. It is only after you have gained this maturity where you know yourself really well, that you can qualify to burden someone else with the weight of your heart and its desires. Being in a relation could be probably better than being single but being single is way better than being in a bad relationship.

Now if I would ever get turned down, it wouldn’t be because I am not good enough but because I am just overqualified for the job role!




  1. Being in a relation could be probably better than being single but being single is way better than being in a bad relationship. Exactly!

    A bad relationship is like having an ’emotional cancer’, it spreads faster than icycup sales at KNUST and there is no prescribed chemo for it.

  2. Great and right to the point. The pressure to get into relationships has become so overwhelming, it feels weird if you’re not in one. Trust me, I know first hand what it feels like, but as you said, it’s been an important stage of my life and I’ve learnt a whole lot about life and purpose.

  3. Ann

    “Learn the art of self-reliance so you can avoid settling for a bad match.” That’s my favorite line.
    A lot of salient points in this piece. I enjoyed reading it. Although I found the beginning parts about independence a bit harsh, it all somehow came together in the end.

    1. admin

      Lol thanks for reading Ann. Sometimes the thoughts are scattered and it takes a while to gather them mentally. All in all, I’m glad you made sense out of all my nonsense. πŸ™‚

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